The Beginning or the END?

Everyone loves happy endings. What if life starts with “The End”? Usually in bollywood movies, the guy and the girl finally get married is when we get up with a satisfied smile. But life is not a bollywood movie, it is just life! And my life was such!

I was born in sub-urbs of Patna where I grew up among 7 brothers and sisters; I being the eldest of them all. The whole house revolved around my demands (and there were a thousand demands on me too!) I was the one who was consulted for any future plans, style of clothing or even the menu! I used to be brilliant in studies and games as well. My father would often say that once I grew up, I would change the world!

But the reality of life is different. I was only in 8^th when I was married off (For my own future, none consulted me!). My pleas would not find any place in my dad’s ears (who was otherwise the most caring person in my world!) That was the day when I sensed that my life is nothing different than that of a refugee. My ‘home’ from birth was no more than a shelter till I become capable of making one of my own (whether I was capable of building a life at that young age is another thing!)

My new home was in a remote village called ‘Tangrela.’ It was as though I was transferred back into time by a time machine. The ringing of wedding bells was weird for me. I would see very little of my husband and my life revolved around mother-in-law and sister-in-laws (which I could call them ‘in-love’ but they were anything other than that!) I was the young wife of youngest of 4 ‘married’ brothers and hence was destined to be most submissive. I once tried to break this submissiveness by reasoning with my eldest sister-in-law and was presented with a slap so tight that I now hear less from my left ear.

I would sit by the window all day and gaze at the girls going to school on bicycles. (that is one possession given by Nitish’s government that has changed the lives of young girls in Bihar). Something stirred inside me that one day when a young girl looked at me with pity! (Yes, the expression was that of sympathy for me.) I approached my husband to let me study further and was received with an answer “I am the youngest and cannot take such decisions on my own”. I assured him that I would convince everyone if he was with me. Next week was spent in pleading (read begging) my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws to let me study. There was the question of the loss of the household work which was accepted by me to finish before school time. Then came the question of my tuition fees, who would pay that? My father stepped in and took care of that (I told you he was a caring person for me)

Days went on and everyone in the house (including villagers would jest at me; a mother of 4 children attending school), but I believed in myself. I would sit in a corner at night (after completing ALL my duties and concentrate hard on my studies)

Today I have passed my matric examination and am working as Anganwadi worker in my own village. I don’t know about others but atleast I am proud of myself. There are several issues causing dissatisfaction in ICDS system-our own payment system, government pricing of the foods to be distributed, incentives and extra work bog us down. But then I find a unique happiness in looking into young eyes and feeling proud that I am making a difference in their lives. I may not have changed the world, but I surely have contributed my bit!       

Like children

When you look at a child, there are a thousand expressions in his eyes. (It must be weird for all the paediatricians to imagine the expressions I am talking about since the only one they get is either a blank face or a scared one!) The child may be cute/not cute, rich or poor; but they are all the same! Once you have caught their attention, you would either receive a smile or a cry!

In case you get a chance to enter a nursery room in a school, the most amazing sight awaits you! Each child is different in his own special way (atleast that’s what Aamir Khan made us believe after Taare Zameen Par) and you need to observe each one to know what life is all about! You would see some engrossed in animated talks within the gang; some others aloof than rest of the class. One of them is sure to be a gangster running and bullying people around him. They are like flowers in a garden; all different and all so amazingly beautiful!

People are like children. I think this is the simplest way to describe human behaviour (that too in one SHORT line)! You smile at them and they smile at you (Ok, I mentioned the kids who do NOT smile at you too!) Deep down our masks of this world, we all are children- we need to be cared for, seek attention and show patterns of jealousy! Try observing a kid who has got a new sibling. He would always try to seek attention of his parents in one way or the other; showing jealously towards the new born. Mothers have to act smart by giving the responsibility of the younger one to elder (atleast that’s what my Mom did; and it worked!)

Like children we take our broken toys (read dreams) to our parents (read God) to mend; but keep hovering around them. We do not give him time to mend our lives; we act like impatient brats! The fact is that we hold on to our dreams so tight that we strangle them. We do not realise that life is not about reaching somewhere; but how we reach there! Life is about today!

Of course I believe that what ever we do comes back to us; doesn’t mean we keep living in past or future! (Anyways I always wonder how many things that I have done; do I want to receive back? Gosh! it sure is scary) When you look a young child; he has no plans, no worries in mind. (Yes, may be he plans to get that videogame on his next birthday) For a child everything is a wonder! Every moment holds a new question. He may not get an appropriate answer from his parents all the time (especially when they tend to bring office back to home), but he knows life is about learning slowly; experiencing each moment. Lets live like children-believing in goodness of everyone. (I have received beautiful smiles from children, to whom I was a complete stranger; you just have to smile at them first!) When we do not believe in goodness in people, we only exist. Let us live life………..like children!

A heart rendering experience......

A well connected by road, but segregated area with only more than a few houses. Complete rural atmosphere- mud houses and thatched roofs. You would fail to notice anything unless you are told!

This is the site of sex-workers in/around the city of Alwar situated 30 kms away from it. As we get down from the bus, greetings of small children are heard. They greet us with shy smiles.

Are they the children of SEX workers? Are they legitimate or illegitimate? Are they ‘wanted to be born’ as much as we are? Have they seen their mothers sleep with different ‘Uncles’ visiting their home or have they spent nights alone in huts when their mothers goes to work at night! Do they actually understand the profession of their mothers? I seriously doubt it!

What do sex workers look like? They are humans just like us! All Females, of different ages-young and middle aged. Surprisingly, I did not see anyone old there. This thought comes to my mind just now. Where do they go when they start to grow old? Who fends for them then?

They remain huddled up in a corner when we make ourselves comfortable on charpoys. This is when you feel the unwritten boundary-a line which is stronger than economic status of people; it seems much stronger than the boundaries I have seen during trips to slums.

Are they any different? They are dressed decently in salwar-kurta- all of them. But just then I notice a little more than extra kajal in those eyes, lips a little more red and that cleavage showing the hint of bosom. I thank God, I did not wear kajal in my eyes today!

I look deep into their eyes and see no life. The face of the youngest doesn’t leave me-who has the mixed expression of shyness and desire to interact with us. She had been speaking to us before the elders took her place. She quietly shifted to one side and kept watching us with her big eyes.

They have been Devdasis since 400 years-it’s a tradition; now a culture here! Two out of a family of 3 girls take up sex trade as occupation. “Do you want to leave this occupation?” was our question. “We want to but can government give us some source of livelihood? Would that be better than earning 800-1000 per ‘sitting’?” Economy is not good there too-I agree but still they have televisions at home!

They knew about HIV and get themselves tested! They also urge their partners to use condoms during practice. But how do so many children surround them? How does it happen then? Was it a deliberate pregnancy-or that ‘lover’ did not agree to use condom during ‘making love’ to her? So many questions surround me!

A school is set up especially for their children but then children do not opt for other occupations even after that. I see the face of a 7 year old girl who looks at me with awe, one hand in mouth. Untied frock ribbon and her eyes look ‘not so bright’-what is she going to be when she grows up? She doesn’t have to wait for long to get an answer-just a few more years!

Impregnated with these thoughts I reflect that even in today’s times birth does make a difference to our lives just as it did in times of our forefathers! Where have we reached then?     

Nature!

I sit by the window

Gazing into sky,

There is the far away horizon

And the birds flying by!

Trees are swaying in the wind

Singing me a lullaby,

The flowers smile at me

A smile so very shy!

A promise of tomorrow

On the young mango tree,

Fruits are tempting me for a bite,

Swaying on the trees carefree!

Nature’s beauty is unmatched

Watching it, I can sit all day!

But alas I have to go back,

Into the world made of clay!

Manners anyone?

Good manners are one of the prime things that we tend to teach our children from the start, but it seldom finds its way into minds of adults.

The Oxford dictionary meaning of the term Manners means “social or polite behaviour.” Whether we still remain social or polite; is another thing to ponder about! Manners have been many a times debated upon (either in books or in person) as to what should be the correct conduct, especially of a lady!

There is a lot of literature about manners and one could literally do a Phd in the “Good Manners” of the particular society! What may seem a good behaviour in one society may be forbidden in the other? But few of our manners are built into our lives and have become such an integral part of our day to day conversation that we don’t even notice them. (Unless we come across someone who grossly misses on them)

One manner that finds place in most of our dialogues is “Sorry” (Though we may say that “No Thank you and Sorry in friendship” but I guess it still has a great deal of importance)   

Recently a friend of mine, created a small blunder in the office. She felt sorry for it immediately to the concerned officer and he rudely brushed it apart. She was not sure that he had forgiven her, so she profusely said sorry to him a couple of times more. And lo behold! He was the warmest person one would ever come across! That is the power of “Sorry” sometimes!

The power of Thank you is amazingly put in Munna Bhai MBBS (I do hope you have seen the movie, it’s a must for all the people who believe that human behaviour can be influenced for good!) The way the “would be” doctor thanks a sweeper shows that manners need not be limited to only your own strata of people, but are universally accepted with good grace. I have seen shopkeepers breaking into a smile when I thank them for their good conduct while selling their goods.

Smile is another powerful expression which has a huge potential to heal any hurts or grudges. One of the most beautiful smiles I have ever come across was from an urchin on streets of Patna. (Now had Leonardo da Vinci been alive, he would have sued me for saying that!)  It was from my way back office, when I noticed a young girl of about 4 looking at me keenly. I smiled at her and her expression was of total surprise which suddenly transformed into a shy smile. Ah so beautiful!

One of the most important manners that I wish everyone would develop is to never waste food. (The habit of finishing every single bit of food on my plate ever since my childhood is what I cherish even today). Wastage of food is the worst kind of behaviour that a poor country like ours can afford (We need not display our riches by wasting food, there are better means of doing it!). In European countries it is considered a criminal offence to waste food as it is a wastage of country resources. Once we inculcate some basic behaviour in our conduct, lives would be more “mannerful”!   

   

The Rising Fever...........

The fever is rising high. The system is totally paralysed-there is literally no movement around and I really can’t do much about it! The roads are deserted; shops closed down and there is a sense of urgency everywhere. Unless till 2:30 pm, I don’t know how the time would pass! Oh yes, it’s the cricket fever-It’s the MOST important match of the World Cup-2011 today-INDIA VS PAKISTAN! Wow! (I still can’t seem to make out whether this match is important since the two teams play well or because we are still on a cold war status with Pakistan?) It must be even more important than the final match on Saturday (Unless of-course if India wins the match today!)

It’s just amazing how the match is weaving its effect into lives of common people (Well as I say there is nobody common now; and why would that be? After all everyone is special in this world, each individual!). The way the life today has been planned seems as if the world is coming to a stop! I am actually wondering what would be the state of affairs in Mohali where the match is to take place, when this drama is going on here in the streets of Patna, Bihar. What moment would that be when the coin would be tossed and the match would begin! (Actually what a lucky coin, millions of eyes would be fixed on it for that split of a second)

On my visit yesterday to a rural backdrop, we had come across a fight between a medical officer and an accountant, and guess what? The medical officer abused him and said “I would get you today in the evening, much before India and Pakistan come face to face with each other!” Imagine! The fervour is high, even the abuses have the mention of the match!

Radio Mirchi RJs were on continuous basis looking forward to their boss to grant them a leave so that the PRECIOUS match would not be missed! And guess what happened? Their boss did not grant leave, but arranged a wide screen television set for everyone in the office to sit and watch the match together, what better?

Another of the effects came from the mouth of one of the private players that we interacted yesterday! He was so very interested in doing some work for the masses and bring quality services into lives of the people. As a mark of his philanthropy, he wanted to begin a program to fight Typhoid which was just around the corner due to change in season. As we discussed more on the need to save lives of the people and the sense of urgency in it, he mentioned that “I just wanted to get over the business of watching India-Pakistan match and then settle down for the health program”. What an effect!

Lets see how far the spirit of cricket carries us…..Would we be left criticising the Captain for not choosing the right man to bat or ball at the right time or would we loose our heads and burn crackers in the middle of the night?       

A Life NOT so precious...........

“Sarita, sarita……….You are going to be OK!” I hear faint voices and think perhaps I am NOT going to be OK after all. (This is what happens in movies too, I guess when someone is going to die, the doctor says “You are going to be Ok”).

With darkness gathering around me, I think back as what I have been through in the past couple of hours (days or perhaps months or years!)

With the start of my puberty, my parents were fanatic to get me married (I simply couldn’t understand the reason back then!) The first DECENT boy they came across was to be my future husband. He lived in the village which was not even connected with a road! Till that time I could only wonder as how life would be for me?

It was one morning that I woke up feeling very sick and weak! Soon after I started vomiting (But the most idiotic thing was that everyone around me starting congratulating me, Is that how we deal with a patient here, I was to still find out!) The truth dawned on me soon after and I became the would-be Mother! But the fact was to be kept a secret for some time (Though I heard my mother-in-law whispering the secret to the lady next door, who is the known radio of the village!) The days were nothing different for me even after (Except for the sick mornings, flushes, pains and headaches!)

That morning I was putting out the clothes to dry, when a lady walked up to me. She introduced herself as ASHA, a volunteer health worker of the village and asked if there was a woman pregnant in the house? (So the radio had worked as I expected!)

Next day, I was taken by ASHA to meet a “lady in white” who was known as ANM in the health system. She gave me a shot of TT (Tetanus Toxoid) and 100 pills to eat. These small red looking pills were to increase my blood, as I was told that I looked pale. (Let the mother-in-law stop sucking some, everything would be alright!) I was also told by her to eat right and start saving for my delivery. She also told me that if I delivered in a Government hospital, I would obtain Rs1400 after my delivery.

From that day onwards I started saving for my baby! I used to pick up coins and put them in a saving box (I got one from the Kumhar’s (Potter) wife who gave me one as a gift!) I could feel him beginning to grow within me! He seemed to take away all the nutrition from me, since most days I would feel like about to faint. (If you are wondering how I can say that the baby would be “HE”, so it is what my mother-in-law constantly tells me).

Unexpectedly the pain started one late evening for me. My husband had just been back from work and I was serving him food. The vessel fell on the ground, with a loud noise!

I handed over the money I had saved to my husband and a vehicle was arranged to get to the nearby Government hospital immediately. (The news of getting money after delivery was enough to persuade my mother-in-law for an institutional delivery, otherwise as she says “All of my children are healthy and born at HOME”).

I cannot exactly call THAT a Hospital! There was none around except a sleepy lady who cursed me for having labour pains at this hour! As soon as I was shifted on the cold steel table I started shivering badly (I felt it to be more than shivers, as though my whole body was being shaken under a spell) I was told that my blood pressure was far too high and none could handle it there. The moment the lady saw this, she asked my husband to take me to a HIGHER hospital some 40 kms away for an operation! An ambulance was arranged to take me away (Not without asking to pay for it!) It was very difficult to think to go that far by someone as poor as us. So we landed in a private clinic behind the Hospital instead for a caesarean section (To cut me open!). The nurse at this clinic took my blood from the finger and shook her head. She told my husband that I had far “too less blood” and they did not have any facility to “transfer blood” during operation. For the second time in a night, I was let down by a hospital!

Now, here I am fighting between life and death in an ambulance! (We had to finally call it to take me to that far off hospital) I don’t know whether I would survive to reach the hospital or not? I guess even after reaching there, would I come under the knife of a doctor? (or would there be any doctor at this hour for that matter?) But I guess my story (If it is heard by those dumb sitting at the top) would make them think as what might just save me? If a life is wasted for their thinking process to initiate then let it be so!