Spoiler alert! I am writing after a long break so its
difficult to gather my thoughts. However this writing may not ring well with
everyone; my apologies to ones who are offended and assure that this is only my
opinion and written in a lighter vein.
With the increasingly popular rat race of achieving high in
life, our life styles have undergone a huge change in the way we perceive
things ; especially our feelings! It is not a surprise that in order to pursue
a career of our choice, we have placed starting a family as our second
priority. Both men and women. With the
fluidity in relationships, we have also grown with the way we deal with our
expectations from each other. Although marriage with opposite sexes still
remains a norm for many in our society.
As a person heading for my thirties, the thought of having a
child does cross my mind. And during these moments, I tend to look not within
but outside. May be looking within is another answer to my questions but at
this time it’s not proving a convincing answer. On my wonderful long walks in
the evenings, I have increasingly seen men carry babies (infants) in a kangaroo
bag close to their chest. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than to see a man
who breaks the stereotypical norm of gender roles. Grown in a patriarchal
society, my heart appreciates the way things are changing at least here in U.S.
The stereotypical role of a caregiver is not only imposing
for a woman but is also dangerous for the psyche of a man. This breeds the
reinforcements of women’s role in economy as ‘secondary’ to men. At the same
time, it would be unfair to categorize men as ‘irresponsible’ for the child
since mother is biologically responsible for giving birth. In my opinion, the
tendency and need to have a child is far more greater in a man than a woman.
The idea of the man’s lineage being carried forward by a child, a male child at
that, has broken hell loose over many traditional patriarchal societies. The
declining sex ratio in many countries like India and China is a testimony to
it. The balance in cycle of life requires greater balance of our roles in
society.
The decision to have a child, biological or adopted is not
easy. And nor is bringing up a child. There are many socio-cultural and
economic dimensions to it. It would be unfair to deem any couple selfish or
capitalist before understanding their psychological state about the decision to
have a baby. It is solely at the discretion of the couple, no one else. My
close associates who have been either having babies or in the ‘thinking
process’ share that it is a constant state of emotional turmoil.
All human beings have the inherent tendencies of caring. The
maternal and the paternal instincts also needs to be fed. Here is when I think
about woman and dogs. It is perhaps more common to see women with dogs on my
walks than men with babies. Here by dogs, I would mean any pet that you care
about. I have seen dog people, cat people and the ones who love both! It
doesn’t matter. What matters is that our pets are there to fulfill our
emotional need. Sometimes the need of having a child. Although increasingly
realizing that they are not economically and socially easy ‘investment’, they
are lesser of a work than a child. At least one doesn’t need to worry about
their education or what they would finally grow up to be!
I have also seen friends transition from having a pet to
then finally having a child. And to me, it makes perfect sense. When we can
realize that we are capable of taking care of another being (your pet), we become
more and more confident of being able to take care of a new life (your baby).
Perhaps it is unfair to compare a child to a pet but its not uncommon for most
people to call their pet as ‘their kid’. And their most loved child as their
‘pet’! Living in U.S. for a while, I have realized that people love their pets
like their children. If you are a person who don’t like dogs and tend to show
it in front of their dog, they get offended with your behavior. Further, I
understand the physical and psychological aspect of having pets, especially
dogs. One of the studies mentioned that having a dog in the house, maintains
your blood pressure level beside giving you company and guarding your house.
However, I also would maintain, having small dogs (which you carry in your arms
or lap) tends to fulfill your desire of a baby. No offenses to the cat people!
Thus, the trend of men and babies; women and dogs is perhaps
healthy to lead us into the transition where our society stands today. The
ability to decide whether we are ready for bringing a new life into this world
to our ability to balance our gender norms for our next generation, all go hand
in hand.
Thanks to the internet for the perfect pic!
