Manifesto from a pregnant woman!

Anyone pregnant out there? Or trying to get pregnant? Or anyone with body image issues? Do you believe that women should have control over their bodies? Then, this blog post is for you.

I know a lot of folks who are in the process of ‘creating’ that perfect body for themselves, and still finding some fault- either the boobs are not big enough or the bottom is too heavy! They often starve their palates (and desires) of that plate of French fries. Its ok- no need to overreact if you don’t like fries- I get it! But to my friends who are obsessed with their body image, DO NOT put that pressure on other folks, especially women. We do not appreciate that. Each body is different. Each individual is different.

Yes, some of us want that hour glass figure to match Hollywood celebrities but let’s not miss SOME in this sentence! Most others (like me) have many other things to obsess (READ-be passionate about) in my life. And when this situation is at the intersection of pregnancy (as mine is), a manifesto needs to come out of that experience. So, this is a manifesto which has come together by communicating with a circle of women who have experienced advice and varied behavior around pregnancy- of course which they never asked for! This is also a manifesto for women who are in or waiting to get into a similar process of labor- no pun intended!

1. You do not need to lose weight to get pregnant- If your BMI is more than 30, you can still get pregnant. I have seen many women stress over their not-so-perfect bodies in order to prepare themselves for ‘the pregnancy’. I was there too but guess what- weight loss was not what helped me get pregnant! It was perhaps ‘putting a break’ on alcohol which helped me the most. And I wish I had known to start on folic acid/ prenatal tablets while in that process rather than having an acid reflux due to starving myself pre-pregnancy!
2. You can get pregnant after you are 30- This one is especially for you, my South-Asian friends whose moms, aunts and a plethora of relatives make you feel that you are ‘getting too old’ for pregnancy. Often the years of marriage and your own biological clock become the markers of whether you are fertile ‘enough’. The innocent advice offered by almost anyone you come across ‘to visit a doctor’ is hilarious because that’s not something one would think to do, right? In addition to that this advice is only for women as the only possible explanation is for women to have ‘something wrong’ with them. And to my friends who do not want to have children just yet (or ever), it is YOUR choice. No one is going to take care of your child as they say, ‘hum sambhaal lenge’. So, go into it with your eyes open. Better to be late than sorry! 
3. You can make your own informed food choices- Can I eat golgappas? Can I eat gulab jamun? Well, as far as I know no one has been killed by eating those except when from an unhygienic source. I have seen women obsess about what foods to eat during pregnancy. Yes, one needs to be informed of what could be potentially harmful in terms of bacteria in them but that is an easy solution with a call to a doctor. The scare of having gestational diabetes (GD) was really high in me due to the history of diabetes in my extended family. However, during my ‘pregnancy research’, I came across at least three most ‘fit’ women who went through GD. It is not linked to eating gulab jamuns (eye roll)! Nor would a piece of pizza kill you as many aunties would tell you. Eat away your pizza with a bowl of salad and there you go- you have a complete meal. FYI, the cheese on top of the pizza is amazing, especially for vegetarians like me who have a hard time finding a palatable and safe protein source.

4. 

   Here I am enjoying spaghetti in homemade 
   marinara sauce with chickpeas during pregnancy!

   Eat/drink what you can digest- ‘Eat ghee not cheese or butter’. It feels like the moment you get pregnant, your body and food choice become everyone’s business. I do not disagree that ghee has its benefits but if ghee in milk can make you puke; would you rather not eat something which your body can digest? Make smart choices not traditional ones.
5. Just drink plenty of water, the container does not matter- Of course drinking alcohol becomes off-limits as soon as you get pregnant (or are trying to) but it doesn’t matter is drinking water from a wine bottle makes you happy! The most hilarious (and ridiculous) one which I have heard recently from a friend is ‘Don’t drink water from a copper vessel’. Apparently according to this wise soul, copper is related to ‘Copper-T’, the intrauterine device which prevents pregnancy! Fun fact- anti-abortion rights folks also link Copper-T to a ‘killing device’ which says volumes about the ‘science’ folks believe in.
6. Wear what you like- The most ridiculous one I heard was ‘Don’t wear tight clothes, the baby can’t breathe’. Sorry, I forgot to add in the previous pointer that your clothing choice also becomes the whole world’s business. Listen- First, maternity clothes are so expensive and never on sale. Second, the woman who is pregnant knows what she can move in-the last thing she would wear is uncomfortable clothes. And third, the baby in the womb actually breathes through the umbilical cord, not my pants. So, all the folks out there advising on clothing-STOP! Let the woman be comfortable, she knows what her body needs more than you do.
7. Sleep how you feel comfortable- Often aunties and relatives keep telling you to sleep on your left side. Is there a logic to it? Yes, and No. Yes, after 20 weeks of pregnancy, sleeping on a side is a good practice as the uterus puts pressure on rest of the body organs. But that is sleeping on any side is ok- not only left! My doctor told me to not stress if I get up in the middle of the night (which one tends to, due to pee-pressure) and I am sleeping on my back- if I was sleeping, my organs are probably fine!
8. Don’t worry about your belly size- From young friends to old aunties, everyone feels free to tell you that either your belly is too big or too small. This is something which I stressed about all through my pregnancy. So weird-because I have struggled with extra weight all my life and here I was struggling to see a small belly, thanks to all the unsolicited advice around me. Constantly hearing that ‘you don’t look pregnant enough. You look small’ is not helpful. Here’s to all of you who tend to do this to a pregnant body- First, you are not my doctor. My belly size is not your business. And for the hundredth time, each body is different. Second, I am getting the growth monitoring done with my doctor every visit- if she finds that my belly is small, she would tell me so! I do not need your colloquial knowledge on this.
9. Say no to people touching your belly- Here’s another big one. Do not touch my belly without asking me- you are not touching the baby, you are touching my body part! I do not know anyone who would appreciate that touch when non-pregnant- and pregnancy has its own load of hormones. And we prefer ‘not to be touched’ most times! Plus, I do not think I would like you to touch my baby (when he gets here) without my (or my partner’s) consent, especially in the time of this crazy pandemic.
10. Don’t worry about stretch marks- The plethora of people who tell you to use creams to avoid stretch marks- here’s what I have to say to you. I, for once do not wear stomach revealing clothes and even if I intend to do so- I can embrace the stretch marks as a sign of childbirth. If you tell me to apply cream to avoid itchiness due to stretching in my body, I can for once listen to you, but for cosmetic purposes- perhaps you are stretching yourself a bit too much!
11. Get pain medication if you need it- Folks who say that labor and childbirth is a natural process- yes, we know. A ton of women do give birth without medication but having said that all of you wonderful pregnant ladies-pain medication is available to you if you need it. Again, every individual is different. Pain sensation for every individual is different. And every labor is different. If one needs a c-section or pain medication, do not shame them. It is not that they are any less strong. Conceiving and carrying a child itself makes you a warrior. You do not need to get into the vicious cycle of being ‘strong without medication’. And to all the medical providers (especially males), don’t tell your patient to go ‘natural’ or ‘woman don’t need pain medication during labor’. Don’t make this excuse if you don’t have an anesthetist available. It sucks for you to make that decision for a woman, especially due to your lack of services!
12. Don’t feel guilty that maternity leave is ‘time off’- Try laughing when your male colleague tells you that you would be ‘on vacation’ for long aka maternity leave. A recent insta post from mindful_mamas hits this right on the point, “I encourage anyone who thinks of maternity leave as ‘time off’ to get hit by a truck, ingest a ton of hormones, and then stay awake for 3-6 months while trying to feed a newborn with your broken body”. Hey buddy, I would then love to hear about how that vacation went for you!
13. Don’t worry about putting on too much weight or too less weight- Let me add, ‘unless your doctor tells you so’. I have seen women be so cautious about weight gain even during pregnancy because there is an assumption that if the baby is too large it would not pass through the birth canal. Don’t believe who tell you so. Just listen to your doctor about how much weight you should gain during your pregnancy. Again, each body is different and each pregnancy is different. The obsession about first putting on weight during pregnancy and then shedding those extra kilos is both harmful for our psyches. We are not ‘carriers’ of babies i.e. it doesn’t work for you (aunts and relatives) to tell us first to gain weight to help the baby develop and then loose weight ‘as our husbands won’t feel attracted to us anymore’. We don’t care.
14. Exercise how and how much you can- There is no doubt that exercising during pregnancy is helpful to keep you fit but everything depends on your condition- whether you can do a particular exercise or not. If walking is all you can do, just do that. Folks who call you lazy should join the gym, you don’t need to at this point. For most women (including me), I give a ‘F’ to ‘E’. I do not want to hear the ‘E’ word at least 6 months post childbirth because I am not a machine. And to all the children who are hopefully not reading this, F is just an alphabet which comes after E, as we know 😊
15. Listen to your doctor- Finally, there are plenty of people who would give you unsolicited advice during pregnancy including what traditions to follow (including during solar eclipse- geez!) but I came across a mantra which could not get any better! It works for everyone, including your husband and your mom. It is, ‘my DOCTOR told me so’ which in very polite language means ‘I know what I am doing’.

So, here we go folks, this is my experience (and that of many other pregnant women in my circle) in a short manifesto. I definitely needed to get this out of my system before my baby can exit my system. Happy Pregnancy!