It was 7:45 am. As I glanced at
the clock near the wall of my dressing table and then into my own reflection in
the mirror, I nervously took empty gulps a couple of times. ‘You do not look
good enough for a bride yet’, said my reflection and I was supposed to be at
the Gurudwara about a good 15 minutes ago! It was one-of-the-life-time events and
I was already running late. My would-be husband was already there waiting for
me, probably feeling as nervous as he could be before getting married in an
unknown surrounding.
The pressure had started building
around me from early morning when my relatives hadn’t turned for a ceremony
(haldi and vatna) and my mom had ended up doing that for me alone! Though I
loved it since it was such a loving moment when your Mom rubbed haldi on you;
it reminded me of my childhood!
Further, the ‘chura ceremony’ in
the morning had taken a little longer than I had expected since the bangles
needed to be set in order by someone who had handled those a very few times in
his life before. As my Mamaji got instructions from my Mamiji, my cousin and sister-in-law,
he looked confused- increasing my frustration inside since I was running out of
time. I had just had bath, and was yet to get ready for the biggest event in my
life; getting married to someone I had been waiting to tie the knot to for the
past two years, amidst a lot of persuasions.
Finally after a lot of permutations
and combinations, with still unsatisfied noises from the background, we
completed my ‘chura ceremony’ and believe me I was perfectly happy with its
look on my hands-shining maroon and white combination of bangles with a lot of
crystals on it! I had bled a little bit from side of one hand, since the rough
plastic bangles had cut into my hand while wearing but the sheer beauty of them
made me forget my pain. As my husband now rightly teases me that I got a full-fledged
wedding done for the love of the ‘chura’ when we were otherwise ready for a
simple ‘court marriage’ ceremony! Well, all brides have their own versions of
madness and this was my own!
As I was putting final touches to
my make-up and setting my duppatta, I saw the reflection of my Mom in the
mirror. She looked so perfectly beautiful in her light pink suit with minimal
make up, all set up gracefully for the occasion-to get her daughter married in
another few hours! I wore a little deeper color of pink than hers as she had suggested,
‘A brighter color would look better in the wedding pictures’ and you bet it
sure did! As the relatives slowly started dropping into the room, I lost my
peace and decided to just finish off with a final touch of kajal in my eyes. I
was a bride ready in just 20 minutes-all by myself. I wonder why I didn’t opt
to go to any beauty parlor to get dressed for my special occasion; ‘Parlors
don’t open so early in Ambala’ was my reply to all who wondered about the same.
But I know the truth was much deeper than that. I had seen and read so much
about the grandness of the weddings and craziness of brides in parlors that I
wanted to keep myself away from all that fanfare. For the special day of my
life, I wanted to dress myself in what I would define as ‘Keeping in my own
character’ which I definitely like, than to step into someone I would not be
able to recognize later on in the wedding pictures! I turned out to be the most
simplistic bride that my relatives could imagine! There was just one more thing
that was left!
My sisters and sister-in-law were supposed to tie me ‘Kalire’ on
my chura which turned out to be true joy to me. Apart from the ones brought
from the market, a special one were hand-made by my Grandmother for me with big
dried coconuts beautifully decorated for the occasion. They looked so very
unique and definitely made my day! I have hung them near my bed-side since after
the wedding as they remind me of her love every single moment showing the effort
she had undergone to make them.
My school and graduation friends
had finally made it to the wedding which doubled my happiness; seeing them
after many years and more so at one of the most important events of my life! As
I entered the Gurudwara and caught a glimpse of my would-be husband, we both went
into the spiral of how we had ended up here-starting right from being debaters
of everything around us a couple of years back; of course marriage too includes
a lot of debates day in and day out! The beauty and simplicity of the ceremony
in the Gurudwara (literally in our front yard) where all of my dearest people
were present including my old grand-parents (who were a primary reason as why
this ceremony was conducted apart from my love for chura; they didn’t believe
court marriage was a true marriage!). The marriage ceremony was conducted by
the old familiar bhaiji at the Gurudwara who told me, ‘I have seen you since
you were not even one year old’ and then blessed us!
Earlier, we had been apprehensive
about the two families coming together but it was perfectly woven together in a
single thread- with love. All of my ‘new’ family seemed super excited and beaming
after the wedding in the Punjabi style. My youngest new sister-in-law gushed at
me and said looking at my kalire, “Wow! I had seen these in the hands of
actress Karishma Kapoor in her wedding, they look superb!” She is surely a
complete movie buff and a cute one at that, keeping her charm with two kids at
her side now! We had our touch-ups of Punjabi style with ‘paranda’ and ‘punjabi
jutti’ for me and a bright red turban and cream sherwani for my hubby!
Post the Gurudwara wedding, I did
the tradition of breaking the ‘kalire’ over the head of my friends (unmarried ones)
so as to hasten her wedding. But it was something which could break her head as
one of the big dried coconut fell on her; bringing huge laughs from the
onlookers! Thankfully she survived the tradition to someday get married on her own!
We
then came back to my grand-parent’s home in order to pay a ‘ritualistic
farewell’ to them. Believe me, it was nothing like the usual ‘vidai’ where a
sad song plays in the background and people break down crying everywhere! I
wanted to break down that image of a vidai; after all it is not that I would
never come there again! I wasn’t the one who was given away- we daughters are
not commodities to be given or taken away, I believe so! I was a bride who
smilingly bade a farewell to all.
We both being majorly
non-religious enjoyed the ceremony, not as a mark of any traditional following
but as a way of bringing two families together with harmony and bringing to
light the truth that ‘not always’ a patriarchial way of life is followed in a
society like ours! I am so glad our lives began with prayers and blessings of
our elders rather than any kind of malice. When life becomes an adventure, new
experiences bring awe; and that’s what our wedding surely was! An adventure in
today’s world; cutting across race, region, class, religion and caste- a superb
example of two families with pure hearts coming together for a beautiful beginning
for both of us!
